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How to attain the love & connection you desire

How to attain the love & connection you desire

Today I’m reflecting on a major Hadith – one that as women, we can especially benefit from when it comes to fulfilling our need to feel loved and accepted.


Often in seeking out these emotions, we can fall into behavior that we may not be proud of – neediness, showing off, behaving jealously, anger, untruthfulness, and desperation. None of that feels good to do – but sometimes as women, we may think that it’s the only way to secure our emotional needs.


Not so.


There is an infinitely better way… one that not only gains you the love and connection you seek in this world – but in the hereafter as well.


Do you want others to love you more… appreciate you more… do more for you?


Then love Allah more…appreciate His Magnificence more… and do more deeds that He is pleased with.


What’s the Proof This Will Work?


This may sound simplistic (most universal truths are), but it is a true and powerful means of meeting your emotional needs. The formula is described in the famous Hadith:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:


“If Allah has loved a servant [of His] He calls Gabriel (on whom be peace) and says: I love So-and-so, therefore love him. He (the Prophet pbuh) said: So Gabriel loves him. Then he (Gabriel) calls out in heaven, saying: Allah loves So-and-so, therefore love him. And the inhabitants of heaven love him. He (the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: Then acceptance is established for him on earth.

And if Allah has abhorred a servant [of His], He calls Gabriel and says: I abhor So-and-so, therefore abhor him. So Gabriel abhors him. Then Gabriel calls out to the inhabitants of heaven: Allah abhors So-and-so, therefore abhor him. He (the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: So they abhor him, and abhorrence is established for him on earth.”

 –         Muslim, Bukhari, Malik, and at-Tirmidhi


As Muslims, we know that our only means of success is through Allah – who becomes pleased with us through our obedience to Him. So why then, do we try so many other means to attain what we want in life?


I think there are three (among many) possible reasons for this:

  1. We can sometimes think of Quranic ayaat, hadith and stories of the Scholars as being more “theory” – yet don’t really understand how to apply those to our modern lives and situations.


  1. We try to implement the things we read about in our lives, but do so halfheartedly – yet still expecting results. And we become disillusioned when things don’t work out and think that there’s something wrong with the formula. 


  1. We don’t give it enough time to impact our lives. Allah is not necessarily going to change our lives and grant us what we want just because we “tried” something for what WE feel is an acceptable amount of time. Allah loves those who strive for His sake and are committed to consistently seeking His pleasure – regardless of the results. But once He sees that we’re serious and persevering , He will often reward our efforts, Alhamdulillah.


The below Hadith brings this point home:

“The best actions are continuous ones even if little…” [Muslim]


How this Formula can Change Your Life


Following the general guidance in this hadith: Love Allah and He will cause the creation to love you – this can impact every part of your life positively Alhamdulillah. Below are just a few examples:

-> Marriage: Marriage can be difficult. However, even in times of anger or when experiencing difficulties – give him his rights and seek to rectify the situation if possible. You may even be in the right – but your desire to leave off arguing increases your status with Allah – and your husband. He’ll likely be much more attentive and appreciative, all because you are paying more attention to the one above him –Allah.

–> Friends:
Striving to be someone who is a good adviser, confidant and friend – loving someone for Allah’s sake, and caring enough to give your friend good Islamic advice – even if it’s not what they want to hear at the time. This will elevate your status with your Lord, and increase the connection between friends, based on sincerity and love.


–> Career: Being known as a trustworthy employee, executive, or business owner – someone who is contentious and respectful; fair and seeks to improve at every turn. Allah loves those who trade fairly and are of service to their community. Maintaining high values and competency in your work earns the pleasure of Allah – which as a result, makes customers and bosses love to interact with and support you.


 There are countless ways in which we can improve our relationship with Allah and seek to earn this level of love from others.

Apply this principle to your own life. In what ways can you make changes in your life so that Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala causes the creation to love you?




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Photo credit: Pink Sherbert Photography

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About The Author


Sister Khadija Abdus Sabur is a Transformational Coach who works with Muslim women to peel back the layers, heal old wounds and rekindle a deep sense of self-love, spirituality, and purpose - which allows them to stand up, show up, and level up in every area of life. Sister Khadija supports dynamic women who are looking to overcome their inner obstacles and commit to filling their cup first, in order to live out and share their true potential with the world. Who do you know in need of this type of transformation?

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